making new friends is hard

July 31, 2012 | 52 Comments

Crowd at a concert.

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  • Tara

    I think the book is about a Llama looking for his Mama….

  • Tara

    Lol… Never mind, different book;)

    • Shannon

      Have you read it? I’m sure I’ve read it, but I don’t remember the characters.

  • Steve

    It is super hard to find a BFF. No easier for me. I know men seem simpler (insert joke here) but interacting with my gender can be difficult. I’ve had a couple friends over the years that have told me they love me and that’s it.

    I loved this post in all of its ramblings. Got me thinking.

    Also, what the fuck would we have done without each other.

    • Shannon

      I’m SUPER glad we’ve had each other, but I wonder if without one another if we wouldn’t have forced ourselves to be MORE adventurous, brave, social? I don’t think anyone is saying it is easier for men, it’s just a woman speaking from her own experience. I think making friends as an adult is hard in general.

  • Tara

    It IS hard. I lost my BFF a few years ago because they couldn’t stand by me and watch me in the dysfunctional relationship I was in. I left my marriage 4 years ago and I miss her all the time.

    • Shannon

      Friendship breakups are even harder than making them. I’ve got a few of those under my belt. Sad face. Big love to you, T. I do believe you’re part of my bouquet. :)

  • Steve Fisher

    Shan I’m sure we’ve sheltered each other a bit, but I feel like it has only been the right amount lately. I’m thrilled to be with you, but I know I need friendships that are deep and true beyond us. That’s starting to happen a bit here. Maybe I just need to push things a bit more. Who knows. I’m just going to keep trying.

    • Shannon

      I’m glad I have you.

  • Nonie

    I just spent the weekend with my bff from high school who actually introduced be to my less than significant other. (I don’t hold that against her!) Forty years this girl now woman has been in my life to share the joys, tears and love with me and I am so grateful for that. We both met when we moved to Brandon at the same time. We didn’t know a soul when we moved there and just clung to each other. We talked about this and realized how we have nurtured our relationship unconditionally. Your Vancouver bff is around the corner but I don’t think you can go hunting for her. I believe she will bump into you when you are both turning that corner. When you find her, listen, laugh and love with her. In the mean time thank your lucky stars that you and Steve have each other as I am sure you do. That bff is going to be some kind of lucky. Missing you two lots everyday all the way from Alberta. Can you feel it? Love to all three of you. As Always Nonie

    • Shannon

      I do feel it. Every day, N. Hope you feel mine, too. xo

  • Deanna

    Wow. Do I ever know what you mean. I’ve been searching for a BFF for freakin’ ever. I think that’s what this tight feeling in my throat and chest are right now. It’s suffocating. It’s loneliness with a capital lion’s head chewing up my heart.

    Maybe it’s because I’m a classic, textbook adult child of an alcoholic, maybe it’s because I’ve moved a bazillion and one times (ok, only 32), maybe it’s ‘cause I am just me. People tend to not gravitate towards people like me – too dumb to know when to shut my mouth, too smart not to.

    Whatever the reason, I’m super lonely too. Tears stream down my aging face as I write this. I’m left out. I don’t fit. I try too hard. I don’t try hard enough. I care too much. I don’t care enough. I’m not important and now it looks like I’m a whiner too.

    Why is this so hard? I have a younger sibling with whom I cannot connect. That hurts. She could have been my BFF, but I have a low tolerance for…her stuff. I had a BFF from high school and recently spent a weekend with her. I found out she tells her husband everything I share through my gritted teeth, shit-eating grins and mascara stained sobs. I felt betrayed. Her BFF is her husband, it’s not even me!!!

    I have to come to understand that I’m too old to have a BFF. My acquaintances filled that position long ago. My high school friends couldn’t wait for me. Co workers? Meh. How could I trust them? New friends? They’re only looking for acquaintances because…they filled the position long ago too.

    So when everyone else was finding their BFF’s 20+ years ago, I was doing what I have always done. Survived whatever life threw my way in silence because I didn’t have a BFF.

    I too look at people I meet and assess whether a relationship with this one or that one might go anywhere. But then I wonder what kind of crazed freak I must look like. Do I look like I’m on some kind of “Kindred Crack”, “Soul-pal Speed”, or “Methem-pal-o’-mine”? So I stand down. I stop. I wait for the feeling to pass. I carry on.

    • Shannon

      Hang it there, D. Someone is going to realize how lovely you are. I think Nonie’s right, it’s gonna happen without us trying or looking for it. One day we’ll just realize we’re comfy. And maybe the author is right, there is no BFF for us, we just have that bouquet of people in our lives who fill up those holes as we need them to and as they are available.

      I’m sorry your friend journey has been so hard. Love to you. Thanks for reading and chiming in, friend.

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