making new friends is hard

July 31, 2012 | 51 Comments

Crowd at a concert.

I’m trying out this Tuesday thing. A free-write something-something, I like to call it. Even though it’s officially called Just Write.

My friend, Audra, linked to a book on my FB wall that made her think of me and my current situation. My current situation is me looking for a BFF. Locals. I ooze Alberta love and support. (Maybe that’s why my bangs are always greasy?) I need friends to make BC feel like home.

The book is called “MWF Seeking BFF.” The blurb brings up a fantastic point: “…women will happily announce they need a man but are embarrassed to admit they need a BFF.”

I’m just gonna go ahead and say it: I’m lonely. I want someone to be My Person. Will you be my person? What’s that book where there’s a bird or a small animal asking every other bird or small animal if he/she/it is his/her/its mama? (Googled it: “Are You My Mother?”) That’s me. When I’m in new crowds, I have flash-thoughts like, “IS THIS HER? IS THIS MY SOUL FRIEND? WILL SHE LOVE ME THE WAY I’LL LOVE HER? DID SHE HEAR ME FART?”

No pressure. No creepies. Do not be afraid.

Sigh.

I want a close, smooshy, say-whatever, love-each-other-silly local pal. Or two. Or four. (Five is too many, obviously.)

There’s a thing happening this Saturday. A going away party for a woman I met once and then became FB friends with. (Or friends with on FB?) She invited me and it surprised me and I thought maybe it was a mistake. I just looked and SIXTY SIX people rsvped yes. Holy sparkles. I was all set to go and suddenly my brave shrivelled up. But… what if my BFF is there? Wouldn’t it totally suck if she was and it was the guest of honour? That would be a really mean joke, Universe. Don’t do that, k? Not that you read my blog, or anything.

The guest of honour is pretty damn cool; I imagine her circle of peeps to be similar. Maybe someone pretty damn cool will fall in love with me on Saturday. Maybe I just need to be brave and silly and mingley and my fun, wonderful, stalker self.

Or… maybe the couch and my favourite jam-jams are in order?

I just went to the authour’s site. (YES I’M STRUGGLING WITH THIS POST, OKAY.) She has a section for book clubs. One of the questions is:

“By the end of her quest, Rachel may not have a new BFF but she says she has a “bouquet of friends.” For Rachel, the definition of BFF has changed. She realizes she isn’t as likely to talk on the phone with her best friend every night for two hours like she did when she was 15. Families, careers and responsibilities make that impossible. How has your definition of BFF, or your requirements of your friends, changed over the years?”

Well shit. There is no BFF, only a “bouquet.”

I hate flowers. I told you that. 

Linking up with just write because sometimes there are words you just need to string together and place somewhere.

Other loveable posts:

Tags: , ,

Join the conversation

  • Tara

    I think the book is about a Llama looking for his Mama….

  • Tara

    Lol… Never mind, different book;)

    • Shannon

      Have you read it? I’m sure I’ve read it, but I don’t remember the characters.

  • Steve

    It is super hard to find a BFF. No easier for me. I know men seem simpler (insert joke here) but interacting with my gender can be difficult. I’ve had a couple friends over the years that have told me they love me and that’s it.

    I loved this post in all of its ramblings. Got me thinking.

    Also, what the fuck would we have done without each other.

    • Shannon

      I’m SUPER glad we’ve had each other, but I wonder if without one another if we wouldn’t have forced ourselves to be MORE adventurous, brave, social? I don’t think anyone is saying it is easier for men, it’s just a woman speaking from her own experience. I think making friends as an adult is hard in general.

  • Tara

    It IS hard. I lost my BFF a few years ago because they couldn’t stand by me and watch me in the dysfunctional relationship I was in. I left my marriage 4 years ago and I miss her all the time.

    • Shannon

      Friendship breakups are even harder than making them. I’ve got a few of those under my belt. Sad face. Big love to you, T. I do believe you’re part of my bouquet. :)

  • http://hellofisher.com Steve Fisher

    Shan I’m sure we’ve sheltered each other a bit, but I feel like it has only been the right amount lately. I’m thrilled to be with you, but I know I need friendships that are deep and true beyond us. That’s starting to happen a bit here. Maybe I just need to push things a bit more. Who knows. I’m just going to keep trying.

    • Shannon

      I’m glad I have you.

  • Nonie

    I just spent the weekend with my bff from high school who actually introduced be to my less than significant other. (I don’t hold that against her!) Forty years this girl now woman has been in my life to share the joys, tears and love with me and I am so grateful for that. We both met when we moved to Brandon at the same time. We didn’t know a soul when we moved there and just clung to each other. We talked about this and realized how we have nurtured our relationship unconditionally. Your Vancouver bff is around the corner but I don’t think you can go hunting for her. I believe she will bump into you when you are both turning that corner. When you find her, listen, laugh and love with her. In the mean time thank your lucky stars that you and Steve have each other as I am sure you do. That bff is going to be some kind of lucky. Missing you two lots everyday all the way from Alberta. Can you feel it? Love to all three of you. As Always Nonie

    • Shannon

      I do feel it. Every day, N. Hope you feel mine, too. xo

  • Deanna

    Wow. Do I ever know what you mean. I’ve been searching for a BFF for freakin’ ever. I think that’s what this tight feeling in my throat and chest are right now. It’s suffocating. It’s loneliness with a capital lion’s head chewing up my heart.

    Maybe it’s because I’m a classic, textbook adult child of an alcoholic, maybe it’s because I’ve moved a bazillion and one times (ok, only 32), maybe it’s ‘cause I am just me. People tend to not gravitate towards people like me – too dumb to know when to shut my mouth, too smart not to.

    Whatever the reason, I’m super lonely too. Tears stream down my aging face as I write this. I’m left out. I don’t fit. I try too hard. I don’t try hard enough. I care too much. I don’t care enough. I’m not important and now it looks like I’m a whiner too.

    Why is this so hard? I have a younger sibling with whom I cannot connect. That hurts. She could have been my BFF, but I have a low tolerance for…her stuff. I had a BFF from high school and recently spent a weekend with her. I found out she tells her husband everything I share through my gritted teeth, shit-eating grins and mascara stained sobs. I felt betrayed. Her BFF is her husband, it’s not even me!!!

    I have to come to understand that I’m too old to have a BFF. My acquaintances filled that position long ago. My high school friends couldn’t wait for me. Co workers? Meh. How could I trust them? New friends? They’re only looking for acquaintances because…they filled the position long ago too.

    So when everyone else was finding their BFF’s 20+ years ago, I was doing what I have always done. Survived whatever life threw my way in silence because I didn’t have a BFF.

    I too look at people I meet and assess whether a relationship with this one or that one might go anywhere. But then I wonder what kind of crazed freak I must look like. Do I look like I’m on some kind of “Kindred Crack”, “Soul-pal Speed”, or “Methem-pal-o’-mine”? So I stand down. I stop. I wait for the feeling to pass. I carry on.

    • Shannon

      Hang it there, D. Someone is going to realize how lovely you are. I think Nonie’s right, it’s gonna happen without us trying or looking for it. One day we’ll just realize we’re comfy. And maybe the author is right, there is no BFF for us, we just have that bouquet of people in our lives who fill up those holes as we need them to and as they are available.

      I’m sorry your friend journey has been so hard. Love to you. Thanks for reading and chiming in, friend.

  • Pingback: Suck it, Polite « Being Honest « BLUNTmoms()

  • Pingback: cpns 2018()

  • Pingback: Bdsm dungeon()

  • Pingback: DMPK()

  • Pingback: adme()

  • Pingback: jeux de friv()

  • Pingback: mold removal()

  • Pingback: Corporate Event Managers in Hyderabad()

  • Pingback: Aws Alkhazraji Diyala()

  • Pingback: lowongan kerja()

  • Pingback: gvk bio company in india()

  • Pingback: GVK Biosciences()

  • Pingback: adwords management()

  • Pingback: http://bitcoinwiki.de/index.php?title=Money_back_guarantee_ppc968()

  • Pingback: oscars()

  • Pingback: Array Questions()

  • Pingback: ar iq()

  • Pingback: exercices fessiers efficaces()

  • Pingback: coepage()

  • Pingback: top muscle enhancers()

  • Pingback: Reputation Monitoring()

  • Pingback: iPhone ricondizionati()

  • Pingback: TestoTest()

  • Pingback: blacharz łódź()

  • Pingback: best casino()

  • Pingback: 안전놀이터()

  • Pingback: http://bitcoinsportsbooks.info()

  • Pingback: mysportsbook ag()

  • Pingback: bet with bitcoin()

  • Pingback: Déménagements Internationaux()

  • Pingback: UK Chat()

  • Pingback: Click over to page()

  • Pingback: Orthodonticsolutions.net()

  • Pingback: look at this site()

  • Pingback: horse lover()

  • Pingback: Passive Income Formula Review()

  • Pingback: huobi verification time()

  • Pingback: Metabolism Studies()