tear ducts should come with a remote

September 6, 2012 | 19 Comments

close up of Shannon Fisher's red boots

I had emergency surgery to have an ovary removed just before Christmas of 2010. When I returned to work six weeks later, surgery stories were my welcome-back present.

One lady told me how her hysterectomy stole her tears. Where she once cried over the turmoils of toe-stubbing, her kids were now concerned she was a sociopath. After listening to her, I turned to my friend and said, “I’d pay for that surgery.” She responded with, “Ew.” My friend doesn’t know what it’s like to feel zero control over your emotions.

“Crying doesn’t indicate that you’re weak. Since birth, it has always been a sign that you’re alive.”

There’s a moment when I feel tears lining up like my face is their very own amusement park. That’s the moment I know it’s too late; I’m a gonner.

I’ve come to embrace myself as a Cryer. When it’s emotion sogging up my cheeks, there is no shame. I feel the world deeply, and that’s something I love about me. Tears are part of healing. It turns out, I am healing ALL THE TIME. Whaddya gonna do?

It’s when my nerves burst like a pipe that I become frustrated and embarrassed. In those moments my tears wash away my power and dignity. Like, for fuck’s sake WE WERE TALKING ABOUT REPORT CARD COMMENTS IN THE PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE; I DIDN’T NEED YOU GUYS, BUT THANKS FOR FURTHERING MY STATUS AS A BOOB.

Is there a class you can take on emotion control? I’d pay for that, too.

Maybe I’ll hold off on the hysterectomy.


Today’s NaBloPoMo prompt: Are you okay with letting people see you cry?

Other loveable posts:

Tags:

Join the conversation

  • http://www.winniesinkyfingers.com Winnie

    i am a cryer. Always have been. Commericals can bring on the waterworks etc. I am ok with it though, as it makes me who I am. It isn’t something “new” for me, so I guess I am just used to it. I have 2 sisters and 2 brothers and I am the only cryer of the bunch. The just call me the “sensitive one”.

    • Shannon

      See, that term “Sensitive” has so many negative connotations, too; it bugs me. It’s a good descriptor, but I find it’s often said with disdain and eye-rolling.

  • http://www.bigloveforgirlsatrisk.wordpress.com Kim

    I’m a crybaby, too. So much so that in the heartstrings moments of movies, when the entire audience is captivated by the storyline, my kids all slowly rotate and watch me begin to come undone.

    I still struggle with it. Because many view it as a sign of weakness. Because in the business world, women have paid far too high a price to earn their rank to have their credibility wiped away by a blubbering idiot. Because it feels natural but when I cry everyone stares, tries to console and understand and I become a spectacle, when I simply was moved to feel.

    But yes, my heart is open. I was born emotional and the older I get, the easier and more often my tears are triggered. I like to think it is wisdom and compassion.

    • Shannon

      I don’t think there should be shame in crying, Kim. You don’t think those women who fought hard for what we have today cried? I do. It’s part of our make-up, broadly speaking. It’s in us. I think it’s like any other culture where we encourage the target group to change their behaviour–well how about the rest of the world just learn to fucking deal with tears? Tears aren’t acidic, people.

      I like open hearts. I’m drawn to them. I like someone who can cry with me. Robots make weird friends.

  • Natasha

    You know, there’s being of a certain sensitive disposition, being dysfunctional, and then there’s just feeling trapped in unhappiness. Don’t be too quick to blame yourself, hmmm?

    IF you feel the latter and there’s nothing you can do about it right now, the least you can do is not judge yourself for having a natural reaction to it.

    Or maybe you’re just a boob.

    • Shannon

      Not judge myself, you say? I’m gonna google that. :)

  • Jocelyn

    Oh, yes. I cry almost daily. I wish I didn’t – women in business will scold other women who cry. I cry when I’m happy/angry/frustrated/sad WTF. I wish it had an off button in the office, at least, but it’s very satisfying to sob a lttle when I’m watching SYTYCD.

    • Shannon

      Ha! I’ve never seen that show. “Cry!” I say. :)

  • http://bellejarblog.wordpress.com Annabelle

    I loved this! I am also a crier. Boy, am I ever. If I could cry professionally, I would be a millionaire. But I’ve mostly come to terms with it.

    • Shannon

      I hear ya. I think I’ve come to terms with it, too. The alternative is self-loathing and that’s another professional area of mine, so I’m going to remove crying from that particular “reasons to…” list.

  • Nonie

    It is healthy to cry. Those nasty little things dripping down your cheeks and running out your nose may be wrecking your make-up, turning your face red and making those beautiful eyes of yours look like ripe plums, but they are the best way to rid yourself of built up stress. They detoxify like no other method. They are a natural pian killer and actually make you feel better. So go ahead, cry and the rest of the world will deal with it. It proves you are human. Love you

    • Shannon

      I don’t think I could stop if I wanted to! So yeah, I’ll keep crying and people will have to keep dealing. Love you, too.

  • http://jadeluxe.wordpress.com Jade

    I cry nearly every day! I don’t mind it, except when it’s late at night and I know it’s gonna result in red puffy eyes the next day. And when I cry when I’m furious. Nothing like crying to detract from your argument! Except that one time when I got retrenched when I was seven months’ pregnant, and they tried to take away my maternity leave. I cried buckets in the HR manager’s office, with my enormous fundus resting on his desk and tears splashing off it. I was glad to cry that day :)

    • Shannon

      I’m not being notified when people are commenting. Booger.

      I’ve embraced myself as a crier in the last little while, too. Crying when you’re angry! Gah. I hear ya. Did you get your mat leave?

  • Pingback: www.cpns2016.com()

  • Pingback: GVK BIO()

  • Pingback: DMPK()

  • Pingback: old barn styles()

  • Pingback: Diyala()