my dreams of her outgrowing the juice moustache, crushed

October 8, 2012 | 34 Comments

Girl with juice moustache

With my poor estimation skills, I’m going to guess Emma parades a juice moustache roughly one hundred percent of the time.

It’s a normal kid thing, I realize, but it has me in awe of how unaware of their surroundings small humans can be. I’m forever tripping over Emma because she doesn’t think to make room for both of us in small spaces. She cuts me off on walks because WHY BOTHER MINDING OTHERS WHEN YOU FANCY A ZIGZAG DOWN THE STREET?

I’ll see her face gobbed with chin chocolate, upper lip cookie crumbs, dried up cheek frosting, and wonder, HOW CAN YOU NOT FEEL THAT ON YOUR FACE?

The juice stache is a given; if Emma’s had anything with dye to drink, there’s facial evidence. I shudder to think of the layers of invisible beverage residue forensic scientists could uncover from her upper lip.

I’ve pondered aloud the age she might develop feeling in her face. She rolls her eyes and wipes her mouth with her sleeve.

I don’t ever wonder for long, because in walks her 36-year-old father sporting the same juice moustache. I guess it’s genetic for one’s facial nervous systems to be shut down?

“When’s the last time you drank juice, Steve?”

“This morning?” He reflexively scans for the closest mirror.

“As in EIGHT hours ago? And how many meetings did you have? You and Emma should consider going into business together, only ever talking about Very Important Matters.”

Strangely, neither of them find me hilarious.

Rude, I say. Rude.

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  • Mariesy

    BAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
    One summer when I was doing day camp, a kid put his Speedo on sideways and didn’t even seem to notice. When we all stopped laughing, the male leader paraded him off the bathroom to set him straight. Gad! Couldn’t he FEEL how uncomfortable he was? Cuz we sure could!

    • Shannon

      Kids (unless their sensory kids) really seem oblivious to these sorts of things. Yeah, I totally don’t get it. Poor little speedo buddy. :(

  • http://www.Tiredmama.com Leanne

    Funny. And it’s the same here. :)

    • Shannon

      WHAT’S THE DEAL. I read this to Emma and she could only answer with giggles.

  • http://kerstinauer.tumblr.com Kerstin

    That is awesome!
    My son is 11 and still wears everything he eats or drinks on his face or his sleeve. My husband is 42 and has progressed to just staining his shirts…
    They don’t show nearly enough appreciation when I write about it either :)…

    • http://hellofisher.com Steve Fisher

      @kerstin I proudly wear my juice-stache and seem to have a complete inability to restrain myself when I drink yummy juice. Also, if beer stained my face I would have a much larger problem.

      • Shannon

        Today I’m thankful beer doesn’t stain skin.

        • http://kerstinauer.tumblr.com Kerstin

          I’m sure if you drank enough Guinness it would leave a mark or two – the real problem is usually milk in our house. Amazing how fast a milk mustache can grow into a milk beard ;)

          • Shannon

            A milk beard. Now there’s something I haven’t seen.

    • Shannon

      Under-appreciated unite!

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