signs i’m driving

November 10, 2012 | 47 Comments


I often wish I had pre-fabricated signs tucked away in my glove box to flash other drivers. There would be different packages, of course, for my different driving moods and concerns:

The Standard Package:

  • Please get off my ass. Now.
  • Here’s the number of the nearest driving school.
  • You do know you are in the fast lane, right? Do you know what the fast lane is or how it functions? Do you see the string of 20 cars behind you trying to get past this car pulling the tent trailer?
  • Thank you for signaling and slowing down five blocks before you turned and for blocking the lane so I could not pass you.
  • If I didn’t have a child in the car, I’d flip you the bird. Please know I am thinking fuck-you thoughts.
  • Sorry about the swerving. I’m not drunk; my kid can’t get the straw in her juice box/dropped her crackers/wanted a drink/needed the volume turned up on the iPod/was making a cute face/wanted a high-five/is trying to get her coat off because she’s too hot and that’s tricky when you’re in a five-point harness/was eating a crayon.

The Eliviate the Boredom of Driving Package:

  • Hey, your wheels, they’re turning!
  • How YOU doin’?
  • Where are you from?
  • Are you on facebook?
  • What are you eating?
  • Are you wearing pants?
  • You have something on your face. Right there.
  • Where do you get your hair done?
  • How is your grandmother these days?
  • Will you stop for supper, or did you pack some snacks? I forgot. Sigh.
  • Did you see The Walking Dead last night? Wow, hey!
  • I really have to pee, but MAN I hate stopping on road trips. Yanno?

The Fellow Driver in Trouble Package:

  • Your tire is not looking well. That one, there.
  • Did you know your trunk is open and contents are spilling out causing accidents behind you? Ok, good.
  • Did you notice that you can’t see the road in front of you at all? Headlights!
  • Is it embarrassing to be one of those people who forgets to close their gas tank after filling up?
  • You lost your dog back there.
  • Your child’s arm is stuck in the window. It’s looking blue to black.
  • Your wife looks pretty mad. I’d apologize if I were you. I see from your plates that you’re from Texas, and man, she looks the type to stay mad cross country.
  • Your children are waving at passerbyers. It was cute for a while, but it’s become annoying and I would like to hurt them a little bit.
  • You have lipstick on your teeth. Just on the top there.

Aside from the packages, there would be room to make customized signs. What would you like yours to say? What package is of most interest to you?

Please join my Truthfully Facebook page.

Joining up with Yeah Write for BlogHer’s NaBloPoMo. No guilt. Just fun.

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Join the conversation

  • MizYank

    Genius, Shannon. Absolute genius! I will be giving out these packages to my family at Christmas–a different one to each based on unique, um, “needs.” Fantastic post. I think I have to share it.

    • Shannon

      I’ll have them ready to mail out by December 1st. :)

  • Larks (@LarksNotesThis)

    I would like all those signs, please. Maybe you could run some sort of discount for people who purchase a three pack?

    • Shannon

      Third one’s free.

  • Karen

    You = Awesome.

    I will have that sign waiting for the day I can drive by you.

    • Shannon

      Oooh, I like that sign! I’ll add it. And one that says, “I made that sign, and thanks for saying so!”

  • Steve Fisher

    Hrm. I am a designer, perhaps I should actually make these signs. That would be a fun project. Truthful(ly) signs!

  • Sara

    These exist!! I bought a pack. Road tripping with friends proved these to be VERY entertaining. I once flashed a sign to truck driver that said “Wanna make out?”. Then of course, we come to a town that has a stop light and we awkwardly were side by side staring at eachother.

    • Steve Fisher

      Ahahaha! That’s an awesome story.

    • Shannon

      Truck driver. HA. I’m sure he did wanna make out. Truck-driver stereotyping—is that allowed?

  • Peach

    Bwahahaha the swerving!! Too too funny!

    • Shannon

      Is that a knowing laugh?

  • Kathleen

    I want your signs. So awesome! The slow driver in the fast lane thing drives me absolutely bonkers. Ugh!

    • Steve Fisher

      So do slow walkers in the mall. Maybe we could used some mall signs as well. ; )

  • katie

    We were passed once on the way to a regatta by a carload of team mates…they had done up a “Do you like photography?” sign and it plastered to their window. They had to pass us about three times at 150km/h making the appropriate matching cheesy expressions before we put it great!

    I would also like a set for running and biking. Perhaps they could also be included in the package? Samples would include:
    -This is kilometer 9/10, please be kind.
    -Yes I smell as bad as I look.
    -Yes, I am doing this for fun.
    -Just because I’m a cyclist doesn’t mean you can jaywalk infront of me.
    -This is kilometer 1/10: be gentle.

    Can’t wait to see prototypes!

    • Steve Fisher

      Ooooo… excellent additions to the set of signs!

    • Shannon

      So they wanted you to take pictures of them?

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