from the grocery archives

November 13, 2012 | 35 Comments

Steve Fisher hitting the ground and smashing it!

I wasn’t lying when I told you this is an ongoing issue in our marriage.

October 1, 2006

Steve and I had a tiff over my grocery-list-making abilities, or lack there of. I’m not quite sure why this became and issue after 8 and a half years of making the grocery list the same haphazard way every time, but, it did. And, I accept that, because sometimes things that I used to think were cute about Steve have become THE MOST FUCKING ANNOYING HABIT IN THE UNIVERSE.

The issue arose when Steve arrived home an hour after leaving. Usually he takes 30 minutes or less to get a full, fat list of groceries. It’s magical. Perplexed, I asked, “Did you stop at the office?”

“No, there were a lot of things on your list I had trouble finding.” He grumbled. “But, I did get your coconut!” He beamed, holding up a full, in-the-flesh coconut.

Jodi and I collapsed at the waist, unable to even briefly consider sparing Steve’s feelings.

Once I got my breathing under control, I squeaked out, “I meant a bag of coconut. But, thanks!”

Steve was deflated, and failed to see the humour after a trying grocery trip. Jodi wished me luck peeling, grating, drying, and bagging the coconut. Such a good friend.

Steve suggested I implement some kind of schematic grouping in my lists that corresponds to the layout of a grocery store. Tonight (after the tiff part) I went online to see if there was a typical grocery-store layout , because, seriously, I cannot remember from one trip to the next. During my search, I found something I could have written were I this witty:

I suck at shopping for groceries. I don’t mean a little bit, I mean a lot. When I head to the local store for bread, milk, cheese, and a couple other things, I come back 3 hours later and feel like I lived through the Blair Witch Project in real life. It’s that feeling of being completely lost, all the time that does it. I don’t know what it is, but I can never remember the layout sufficiently between one trip and the next to really make any kind of efficient trip to the grocery store.

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Join the conversation

  • Melanie

    I love that he bought a whole coconut…

    • Steve Fisher

      I love that part too!

  • Jamie@SouthMainMuse

    I can so relate to this. Some where in the last year or so I’ve gotten to I hate to show. I try and be thankful that we have a steady income to shop with — but still I have a very bad attitude. And I am with you on the lists. I keep one going all the time. The problem is when I get to the store and can read what I wrote. There is always some item that stumps me. Ugh.

    • Shannon

      My mom had writing that was tough to read. I remember shopping for her before cell phones and having no clue what a few items were.

  • MizYank

    I find the best approach is to leave the list at home. Write it, of course, but don’t bring it. Otherwise you’ll come home with a predictable stock of staples instead of a random assortment. My ex-husband loved it when I came home with anchovy paste and not, say, milk.

    • Steve Fisher

      Milk is pretty boring.

      • katie

        Anchovy paste can be used as a substitute for milk!

        Man, my best friend’s mom actually ditto’d a whole bunch of pre-made checklists *according to the store aisle layout*

        I love the grocery store. I am not so into the shopping aspect, but I find something about the mountains of dependability and muzak oddly comforting….

        • that cynking feeling

          I’ve tried to make a list by store layout, but then I inevitably leave an item out for one section and have to squeeze it in the margins or else I can’t figure out where in the hell a particular item is found in the store.
          The only solution I see is online shopping. You order, some other schmuck has to find the stuff in the store and you either pick it up or they deliver. I vote for deliver.

    • Shannon

      Best shopping philosophy ever.

  • Peach

    Steve, I know you felt deflated at the time, but that’s pretty damn adorable with the coconut. Way to go after the “providing” for you two. :)

    • Shannon

      He’s a trooper.

  • Karling

    When I watched this video it made me think of this post…

    • Shannon

      Oh man. I’m crying I’m laughing so hard.

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