from the grocery archives

November 13, 2012 | 54 Comments

Steve Fisher hitting the ground and smashing it!

I wasn’t lying when I told you this is an ongoing issue in our marriage.

October 1, 2006

Steve and I had a tiff over my grocery-list-making abilities, or lack there of. I’m not quite sure why this became and issue after 8 and a half years of making the grocery list the same haphazard way every time, but, it did. And, I accept that, because sometimes things that I used to think were cute about Steve have become THE MOST FUCKING ANNOYING HABIT IN THE UNIVERSE.

The issue arose when Steve arrived home an hour after leaving. Usually he takes 30 minutes or less to get a full, fat list of groceries. It’s magical. Perplexed, I asked, “Did you stop at the office?”

“No, there were a lot of things on your list I had trouble finding.” He grumbled. “But, I did get your coconut!” He beamed, holding up a full, in-the-flesh coconut.

Jodi and I collapsed at the waist, unable to even briefly consider sparing Steve’s feelings.

Once I got my breathing under control, I squeaked out, “I meant a bag of coconut. But, thanks!”

Steve was deflated, and failed to see the humour after a trying grocery trip. Jodi wished me luck peeling, grating, drying, and bagging the coconut. Such a good friend.

Steve suggested I implement some kind of schematic grouping in my lists that corresponds to the layout of a grocery store. Tonight (after the tiff part) I went online to see if there was a typical grocery-store layout , because, seriously, I cannot remember from one trip to the next. During my search, I found something I could have written were I this witty:

I suck at shopping for groceries. I don’t mean a little bit, I mean a lot. When I head to the local store for bread, milk, cheese, and a couple other things, I come back 3 hours later and feel like I lived through the Blair Witch Project in real life. It’s that feeling of being completely lost, all the time that does it. I don’t know what it is, but I can never remember the layout sufficiently between one trip and the next to really make any kind of efficient trip to the grocery store.

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