In my last post, some of you didn’t like this:
What happened with Amanda Todd is the saddest. The focus was and still is on her actions, when it should have been on loving the shit out of her and calling out the cruelty of those who tormented her.
Fair enough. I wasn’t clear.
I don’t think love could have saved Amanda. I know what it’s like to be loved and still want to leave this world.
My statement above was addressing chatter on how Amanda handled her bullies. Even in circles of smart, open-minded, equality-advocating people—the conversation almost always finds its way back to what Amanda did. I want to focus on the bullies. What is missing in them that causes their behaviour and how can we change it? Let’s figure that out. And let’s raise our kids to be big-hearted, decent, compassionate, brave, virtuous people who, under all (safe) circumstances, rally around victims.
Instead of victim blaming, let’s:
- teach our girls to be supporters of other girls.
- teach our boys to respect women.
- educate ourselves about why our daughters are mean to each other.
- promote healthy body image.
- teach our boys about their privilege.
I don’t have parenthood figured out. I don’t think my daughter is immune to anything. I know nothing about Carol beyond the couple short exchanges we shared. I imagine that woman did everything in her mama bones for her girl. And then some. And even if she didn’t, I have zero judgement, because parenthood is some kinda crazy business that I mess up ALL. THE. TIME. All the time. I choose love and conversation and tears and celebration and support over judgement. Parenting is tricky, terrifying, soul-filling, white-knuckling territory. We need each other. I’m on Carol’s side, too. I promise.
Thank you for pushing me to be more articulate. Your fierce protectiveness of Carol is understandable and beautiful. What’s she’s been through demands that kind of friendship.
Love and healing,
Other sources for parents:
Like Truthfully on Facebook. Free hugs for everyone. (For real.)
Yeah Write: Moonshine edition.